Preparing to write this month’s column, I’d been thinking about several topics, and eventually decided that the theme would be the Fourth of July. But then…(bang, clatter)…I was ready to start writing…(bang, clatter)…and all I could think was—when will that racket stop?!
For the last three days, a female goldfinch has decided she will chase off a competitor—which is, of course, her own reflection…(bang, clatter). Good golly, she is persistent! Once, I got her to stop for 40 whole minutes—yeah, who am I kidding, she stopped because she was hungry, not because of me. After the glorious silence, she came back…(bang, clatter)…so I decided I would leave for a while instead.
So, in thinking about my pretty yet obnoxious little visitor, I’ve come to realize a few lessons from her futile attempts.
Lessons from Another’s Futility
1. Sometimes You will NOT be able to Change Someone Else’s Behavior
We all like to offer helpful advice from time to time. Especially when something looks obvious to us, we want to share that knowledge. We want to say: Trust me, [bird or person’s name here], this ain’t ever gonna work! Unfortunately, for us and them…(bang, clatter)…they’ll never listen and they’ll never change their mind. The sooner you recognize this, the sooner you can modify your own behavior instead.
2. Sometimes the Problem Really is YOURS not Theirs
This silly bird has been hurling herself at a pane of glass for 3 days and counting. You would think she would have broken her neck by now, but consensus on the internet is that birds seldom hurt themselves in a reflection competition. They may leave behind feathers, and they sure do mark up the window, but…(bang, clatter)…they’re fine. It’s us, who are watching and listening to the insanity, who are irritated, frustrated, and…(bang, clatter)…preoccupied with devising a solution. Unfortunately, the best course of action is to learn to ignore it.
3. Sometimes HOW You Wait says a Lot about You
On Day 1 of the infernal banging marathon, the male goldfinch was here for a while, and he was a cool little dude. As she…(bang, clatter)…kept trying to break through the glass, he would hang out in the tree to preen or come sit on the ledge to look in. It was as if he was trying to be supportive…(bang, clatter)…without having to risk injury or over-exertion himself. I think he’s gotten bored of this game, because I rarely see him now. I like to think he’ll welcome her back to the nest later with a little see-I-told-you-so shrug and go back to their ordinary routine. We know…(bang, clatter)…her efforts are futile. Eventually, it will stop; in the meantime, we all get to choose what we do while we wait.
So, the next time you’re confronted with someone’s birdbrain ideas or actions, keep in mind that you may not have any influence over the situation. It may not be what you want to hear…(bang, clatter)…but you may not have a choice.