As I was sitting in my sister’s ICU room hoping she would stabilize and make it through the night, people were telling me to “take care of myself” too. Well, at that time, I didn’t give a [bleep] about myself, because my focus was protecting her. The experience left me with a very odd feeling—I was appreciative that they were thinking of me, but I was angry anyone would think I could go home and pretend life was normal when she might not be alive after my “good night’s sleep.” So, as usual, I decided to see if I could find a lesson out of it.
Focus on the Good Intentions
Whether or not the words are welcome, we should try to receive them in the spirit they were intended.
Recognizing the difference between words and intentions can be helpful in many cases of input and advice you may receive from time to time. Yes, we can separate the message from the messenger, and we can appreciate the thoughtfulness even if we disagree with the thoughts.
Decide Where to Direct Any Anger
We need to realize that we’re not mad at the person giving the unwelcome advice, we’re upset about the situation.
Importantly, this part comes with a flip-side—the person giving you the unwelcome advice also should not be angry with you for not wanting it! Just as you can realize that you are rebelling against the suggestion, they can understand how you feel and not take it personally either.
Find a Way to Follow the Advice
Thinking about my situation, I decided the action they were suggesting—take care of yourself—gave me license to do whatever I needed to that would help me. Following that advice, I took care of myself by staying exactly where I was, not leaving her room for frivolous reasons like dinner or sleep. Skip a meal, pull an all-nighter—people do these things all the time, and I’d have time for them later. I took care of myself, I stayed at the hospital every day (and several more nights), and yet you’re still receiving this issue now—only a few trivial days later than usual!