We tend to think in terms of black and white, good and bad, but reality is seldom that straightforward. For example, take the case of needing to ask someone for help. In my experience, that leads to three kinds of people.
Who Hears Your Dilemma
Most of us are slow to ask for help. Perhaps our attitude is to “go it alone” or we don’t want to “burden” someone else. But sometimes, we may find ourselves in a situation that’s beyond our limits. In those cases where we definitely need some help, I think we’ll be faced with three kinds of people.
Type one is, of course, the person who will provide you with the help you need. Regardless of if they are glad or reluctant to help, they’ll offer some contribution. It may be easy or it may be awkward, but at least to some extent the other person will lessen your load.
Type two is the person who will not be of help. And you already know that. You already know they are not interested for whatever reason and they will provide whatever excuse they need to make sure the situation remains “your problem not theirs.” That’s fine, and we can all be honest about it.
Type three, however, is the person who has conned you into thinking that they would be willing to help. This is the person who is calculating “what’s in it for them” first. This is the person who has extended offers to you in the past, but now you can see how your past interactions always provided the other person with some expectation of benefitting. This person will respond to your request with anger and/or dismay. Now, besides needing help, you’ll have to created a rift. You will be berated for trying to ask for help when that would be such an imposition. Your situation no longer matters because now you have created a problem for them.
People in Disguise
Recently, I had an interaction with a “type three” person. I hadn’t realized that things were supposed to be tit-for-tat, so I was stunned by the anger directed toward me at a time when I was struggling. It would have been easier if he was a “type two,” but I was fooled into thinking otherwise. Next time, I’ll try not to be so naïve.