To withhold information from someone else is usually a deliberate choice, and of course there are legitimate reasons to do so. But let’s consider the instances when the reasons are less clear and motives more suspect. How often have you encountered these situations?
You’re Not Told “For Your Benefit”
Maybe this only happens to me, but I doubt it. I’m sure we’ve all been told after the fact that something was done for “our” sake, when it seems more likely that it was done for “theirs” instead. In deciphering the code, these are the patterns I’ve seen:
- You would be upset if you had known — Translation: I wasn’t interested in hearing your argument if you protested, so I’m avoiding it.
- There wasn’t time to tell you — Translation: I decided to act quickly to do what I wanted rather than give you a chance to suggest an alternative.
- I thought you weren’t available that [day, time, weekend, etc.] — Translation: I think I’m more committed than you are, so it’s only right that I move forward regardless of our shared 24/7 access to modern communication tools.
- It doesn’t affect you directly, so I didn’t think you would care — Translation: That myth of working on a team only extends so far.
The Problem with Ulterior Motives
But here’s the catch with disguising withheld information under the cover of a lame excuse — the person on the receiving end will probably still find out and then question your motives. Often the motive comes down to the cost, be it a cost measured in dollars, frustration, and/or time.
Believe it or not, however smart the person doing the withholding thinks that they are, they’re stupid in thinking others won’t notice when they’re actually trying to be manipulative. In that case, we also may withhold information — and not let on that we see the bigger picture too.