We’ve all done a fair amount of explaining—after something doesn’t happen as planned, we explain why not. Sometimes, providing the explanation is as simple as that. The when or the how is different than expected, so we set the record straight. But, what about those times when it’s really less about explanation and more about making excuses? That can be very far from simple.
Our Explanations vs. Our Excuses
It never ceases to amaze that, the more emphatically someone makes an excuse, the more that has to do with them than with the person they’re telling. Think about it. The most impassioned excuses come when the person giving them is sorry, regretful, embarrassed, upset, or another of those negative emotions. These are the times that the explanation is packaged with our own measures of distress and guilt. At times like these, the person listening may have difficulty picking out the cold hard facts within the story of the overall excuse.
Lying for Someone Else
Unfortunately, I’d bet good money that everyone also has been in this position—being pressured to lie for someone else to support their excuse. This pressure can come in many forms. It can be rooted in feelings of loyalty, or guilt, or some kind of fear (such as losing a relationship or even a job). Typically, this pressure is indirect and unspoken, because we already know how we’re supposed to behave without being told to bolster someone else’s version of what happened. And I’m not talking about simply “embellishing” the truth here—I’m talking about those times when we know it’s not the truth, which makes it a lie.
How to Proceed
It would be nice if life were simple. It would be nice if we didn’t make mistakes that must be explained. And, it would be even nicer if we didn’t have to become involved in other people’s excuses, and find ourselves choosing between bad options. It would be nice if we could say firmly that we never have to lie for someone else. But, there are no simple answers. Perhaps, the best we can do is try to (eventually) extricate ourselves from bad situations, so we don’t have to travel all of the way down that road from explanation through excuse to lie.